The Year of the Handmade Whatsit

I foolishly decided to take part in a Facebook thing where each person makes 5 things by hand and sends them to people (usually, the people who comment on the post). I then decided - even more foolishly - that I'm going to nudge that concept a bit more by making a thing each month, sending it to someone I know, then documenting it here.

I can't guarantee it'll be awesome or supremely original or Art, but it will be great fun having a new mini-project each month, and rather freeing to give that stuff away. Hopefully I'll learn a few new skills and stretch my languishing creative muscles. So far I have 4 people lined up to give stuff to, and then I'll decide as I go from there. If you're super, super keen to have a Thing made by me, let me know and I'll ink you in. You'll also need to email me with your addy so I can send it to you.

If you've been reading my blog for a while you'll know why this is foolish. I'm exceptionally skilled at starting something and then petering out halfway through; this blog is a perfect example. Even posting this here is the equivalent of giving this year's fledgling project the kiss of death. On the other hand, I... cannot think of a defense. Um.

In the meantime, here's a bubblegum tree and a small, disappointed dog:

2010: Rehash, the Return of the Memory

It's been a long time since I did this, so here goes:

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Lots. I...

• went to Napier and Hastings
• did the whole wine tasting thing (sooo much fun!)
• got kicked out of a flat
• accidentally became vegetarian for about a month
• did kickboxing as a keep-fit thing (OK, technically I started in 2009, but I didn't do one of these lists then)
• smoked a cigarillo, and liked it muchly
• got me a car
• discovered that laptops are kinda cool
• was a support crew member for a multisporter
• went to a (student) fashion show
• went to a Pecha Kucha night
• lived through some rather large earthquakes
• shovelled a lot of mud that went by the name of liquidation
• became a regular at a coffee shop. They knew my name and my 'usual' and everything
• discovered *the* perfect cove, somewhere in the North Island
• got mobbed by pukekos
• went to a toga party
• went to a blogger meet up
• went to a tweetup
• played an RPG (D&D version 4.0 for those who require deets)
• learned about Gypsies/Romani
• other

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for the next year?
Honestly, I can never remember the resolutions I make. I suspect I didn't keep the ones I made, whatever they were. I didn't make a resolution to be happier with my spiritual confusion whatsit, and yet I am. So maybe the trick is *not* to resolve to do something, and then it'll happen? Hmm... I may come up with little goals as I go along, ways to get more out of life, that sort of thing.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! Amy had wee Louis. It is kind of frightening and cool that people my age are expelling tiny humans from their person.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, fortunately.

5. What countries did you visit?
Australia. It's been yonks since I'd been there last and I really loved Melbourne.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
An aim in life, or purposey whatsit. More travelling. Learning new things and sticking with them. A relationship that lasts a good while.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched in your memory, and why?

• Late August, when I suddenly had to find a new flat.
• September 4, because of the earthquake.
• September 13, saying goodbye to one fantastic person and hello to another.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Still being here. Discovering things about myself I was unaware of before, perhaps. I can think of lots of little achievements, but no ginormous ones. Maybe the sum of the little ones?

9. What was your biggest failure of the year?

• Not sticking up for myself or calling people on their bullsh-t when I needed to.
• Being allergic to cats turned out to be a bit of an epic fail, too.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The flu and some stomach bugs, but nothing abnormal.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Probably my car, even though I still feel a bit guilty when I use it. I also got some dresses I dig a lot.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Friends who were there when I really needed it. Oooh, and the high school and uni students who did heaps of post-quake manual labour to help get the city back to normal. That was pretty fantastic.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Someone who I can't really mention online. And again myself, in new and interesting ways this time.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, food, books, drink, petrol, travel, that kind of thing.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Lots of stuff! Some very big things, like my holiday oop norf, and my new place (eventually). Some very small things like having a few dancing lessons, smoking a quiet cigar in the sun while reading, driving for the first time in years, a new album coming out, Glee-watching nights with friends, and the prospect of tasting earthquake beer. I also got very excited about a beer festival that I didn't end up going to, and a Sufjan Stevens concert that I can't go to.

16. What song will always remind of you of 2010?
The new Arcade Fire album, and the 500 Days of Summer album. One reminds me of horrible times; one of total freedom and happiness. They sum up the halves of my year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
I'm not sure, probably about the same.

b) fatter or thinner?
Fatter by quite a lot, unfortunately.

c) richer or poorer?
Poorer, because I took a cut when I got my new job. On the other hand, I *have* a job.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Saying "I want to do x" and then doing it, even if it felt intimidating or I didn't have anyone to do it with. Following through with things, generally. Taking care of myself, and sticking up for myself. Explored stuff.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Stressed over things I couldn't control.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Had a sleepover and yummy champagne breakfast with Ray and then popped round to the family's for lunch. Marvellously laid back and twas lovely seeing everyone :)

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Well, that depends entirely on what you mean by 'in love'. I shall pick an arbitrary definition and say in a way I did, very much.

22. What was your favourite TV programme?
The Wire, True Blood, QI, Mock the Week, Glee. I got introduced to lots of great stuff this year :)

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Yes, one or two. Am working on reducing it to a less toxic level.

24. What was the best book you read?
Toby and the Tree. It's a kid's book (or YA) and part of a two- or three-book series. It's a rollicking fun adventure story that reminded me of my own childhood and how involving books can be. Plus, it had a hand-drawn map in the cover and was printed in a luverly font using sustainable inks and recycled paper. Oooh, and also A New Christianity for a A New World blew my mind in marvelous ways, too, just when I was looking for something in that direction.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Either Saul Williams or the Bees. One's rap/spoken word and one's faux-60s pop, so I'm not sure what that says about me.

26. What did you want and get?
A job I can sink my teeth into, a laptop, a car, excitement, and a more stable living situation (eventually).

27. What did you want and not get?
Nicely tied-up loose ends, a long-term partner, an infinitely better wardrobe, the discipline to keep my room/life tidy and exercise often.

28. What was your favourite film of this year?
I'm cheating a bit cos I watched one of them over the New Year break, but it's a tie between Inception and How to Train Your Dragon. I thoroughly enjoyed The Town, too.

29. What did you do on your birthday and how old did you turn?
I turned 26, went into work and got sent home cos I had the flu. That's two years in a row. From now on, I intend to take the day off to pre-empt any illness :D

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Figuring out what to do and doing it, rather than messing around. I felt like I was scattered, super directionless and meh in 2010; the whole year seemed imbued with a feeling of powerlessness.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
A verrrrry little bit classier, cos I discovered dresses. My collection of ballet flats and silly earrings grew, too. My workmates call me the 'crazy earring and bright shoe' girl now.

32. What kept you sane?
Several completely awesome friends. At certain points of the year, the internet, TV shows, large amounts of junk food, the odd sneaky smoke and alcohol. Well, we're being honest, right?

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
This year? Uf... no one. Oh wait, does the main guy from The Wire count as a celebrity? He's pretty.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Apart from Gerry effing Brownlee being granted emergency powers? The whole mining national parks thing, and the way our mayor used the earthquake as his personal TV show. Not impressed.

35. Who did you miss?
Matt W, Claire, Chris.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I've met heaps of grand people this year partly because I switched jobs and flats. It's honestly tricky to say who'd be the best. I'm going to add mini-categories so I can have lots.

• Work: Laura
• Home: Jody/Jenny/Kata (well, we all met at the same time... it counts, it counts!)
• Unexpected: Chris
• Unexpected last minute entry: Iain

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
Being nice and backing down isn't necessarily a good thing. Sometimes it's appropriate to rage.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
In my dream I was almost there / then you pulled me aside and said we're going nowhere (Modern Man, Arcade Fire.) Actually, that whole song. And the album it rode in on.

Oooh, or: Oh life don't leave me here / what can be done with a world of care / I hope it falls into the sea (Oh Life, Avalanche City).

I am still alive!

But intensely lazy, hence the complete lack of posts for... uh, six months. Some things that have happened in the interim:

• I got made redundant.
• I went on holiday to Napier/Hastings/Havelock North with a close mate and a small, alcoholic philandering bear. We had an absolute blast. There may be forthcoming photos.
• I found a new job. I have a fancy, fancy job title and appear to be making up my job as I go. Fun times!
• I had some... issues with my flat, and was forced to find a new place to live in a very short time frame.
• I had a few dancing lessons and discovered I'm not completely unco.
• I joined a bookgroup (or maybe I'd done that earlier? My memory is pretty bad).
• I made an attempt at NaNoWriMo this year, and conked out after one and a half weeks. Ah, but next year, my precious, you will be mine!

Location, location, location

Sometimes context-appropriate advertising goes horribly, horribly wrong.

Note: You may want to click on the image for a higher resolution. The initial sentence explains the story much better than the headline (ahhh, journalism).

Reasons I will miss my job

Below are three of them.

To provide a little context, me and the other two writers peer review each other's work. In the last month, I've learnt to use a new type of technology/documentation in the middle of a fairly important project. It's not because I'm a kick-arse maverick writer who rolls that way, but more because that was the most appropriate type of doc for the user and I just hadn't had a chance to learnt it yet. Lying to the project manager was easy, actually figuring out the thing was a little tricker. Anxious times...

I got my workmate to review the first doc before I sent it off to the clients, to make doubly sure I hadn't done something very stupid. This is some of the feedback I got:

• "Slower! Because the user is not controlling the pace of the slideshow, it needs to creep along ohhhhh soooooo sloooooooooooowly. Make it as slow as you can bear to watch without reaching for a razor and a warm bath, and then slow it down some more... say, around about the speed of a 65-year-old on their 12^th attempt at using trademe."
• "Currently, [a specific button] isn't working. Change the action to [another action]. Unless this is like the Close Door button in lifts, which does nothing except give the user a warm feeling of control and mastery over their own destiny."
• "Not sure if the note is really a note. More of a tip. Or, actually, the entire point of a prep sheet… anyway, a boring old orange caption will not cut it, this needs to be marked Important! In lights! With dancing bears! Ethically obtained bears of course. Think midnight forest feasts in Prince Caspian, with bears happily dancing round campfires, not scummy Russian circuses torturing poor furry animals. (This was immediately followed by "A propos of nothing, I think I should lay off the coffee.")

It was great fun being part of the team and having other writers to learn from/brainstorm with/go out on the piss with. (Turns out tech writers have a rep. As in, our whole unit knows the best way to bribe us is with alcohol. Despite that, the few times I've been bribed to do jobs, jaffas and coffee have featured heavily - clearly I have much to learn.) I'm sure being a lone wolf will have its moments, but none quite like these. Two days to go!

The end of all things

This is the end of all things

my job, my lifestyle, a bunch of friends

your town, your singledom, the honeymoon

we meet after our natural hiatus

a friendship that just goes

whenever we meet

and you shout, as is your custom

and we talk frankly and reminisce, as is our habit

and i swear to pay next time, as is my feminist leanings

and the coffee we agreed to is a pint, as is our working class heritage

(or was that our parents? mmm, anyway, drink!)

it turns out

i can dance in the kitchen like a crab, and not care

and your flatmate (our mutual acquaintance) has gout

he's a week older than me

we both agree, he has potential

poor bastard

we know what we mean

'snot the end of the world, right?

Sometime's karma's just

you know I love how we grew up fundy and yet that phrase's just there and natural

mmmm,

'nother round?

and you get my anxiety more than my workmates

because you've known me so long

and i get how you talk to that kid who works for you

cos i know what a fuck of a place that is to be

we joke about shacking up to shock

and know we're the only people we can have that joke with

and all the implicit understandings that go with it

it's been a long time, so

'nother round?

cider was a goooood choice

how bout

i text first next time?

Reasonably priced wife, anyone?

I've mentioned our work's buy/sell/exchange site before, but last week someone decided to get a bit creative. Ladies and gentlefuns, how to sell your wife in three easy steps:

1. Use ambiguous phrasing to explain why you're selling her.

2. Wait for your colleagues to mock you.

3. Cover your tracks by pretending you were trying to sell a microwave the whole time.